wellness

We often talk about the meaning of life that is indicative of what you see as the purpose of one’s existence. However, there is also the consideration of living a life of meaning, of fulfillment. I see this as an expression of the P’s!

PEOPLE
We are social animals and developing relationships with other is essential. It fosters a connection to help overcome loneliness and depression, allows for opportunities to express compassion, openness of heart and support and provides a forum to exchange and learn new ideas. We are so busy in our life that it can be difficult to find the time to create meaningful relationships.

Don’t wait. Find the time to connect with other.

PLAY
We are so driven as a society to believe that we need the big house, more exotic holiday, faster car, to go to the best and most expensive restaurant, up to date technology, fashionable clothing, to join the right club etc. In order to do this, we sacrifice play in order to work. What a mistake. We need to set the right priorities to have the balance between work and play. We cannot just be defined by the roles we assume.

What do you enjoy playing at? Do you make the time to do it?

PURPOSE
Personal
What do you believe is important to you? That gives you a sense of purpose? We are meaning making creatures! There is an innate drive to understand our life. We conventionally feel that there needs to be some meaning in our life to make it all worthwhile.

What overarching questions do you have about your existence? What passion or gift lives through you calling to be heard? Do you recognize, honor and cultivate it?

Read, watch videos, listen to podcasts, join groups, take courses and have discussions with your friends about your questions of life.

Public
What is also important is to cultivate a sense of purpose for how one can be in a skillful relationship with other ie. people, animals and the environment. An attitude of respect, kindness, compassion, non-harming and generosity is needed.

PRACTICE
To live a meaningful life requires effort to bring richness to it. Start your day by reflecting on what is meaningful to you as it relates to the P’s and how are you going to bring them into your life. At the end of the day reflect on how successful you were in doing this.

What also supports the P’s of a meaningful life is an acknowledgment and expression of gratitude for all the wonderful things in your life.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Nov. 2, 2023

“I am not what has happened to me
But what I choose to become“

Unfortunately, the truth of human existence is:
I am what was has happened to me
I am destined to be what was chosen for me to become

We live the narrative of our maladaptive childhood attachments, societal expectations and subsequent traumas. Moment to moment we are living our life trying to compensate for underlying hidden unmet psychological needs that motivate us to act. If we don’t bring awareness and insight to the truth of reality and self we will be doomed to live an existence “walled in alive”. We will live our life limited by our unique personal narrative to try and keep us safe, loved and worthy.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Oct. 20, 2023

Focused Awareness or Open Monitoring

Concentration meditation is based on two types of awareness. Focused awareness or Open Monitoring. In Focused Awareness one chooses a specific object to focus one’s attention on such as the breath, body, mantra, sound or visualization. Its value is that as one is focused on one object this tends to shut down the thinking mind and the Default Mode Network that leads to selfing. It also helps develop the capacity to be aware that is an essential part of mindfulness. This meditation practice can lead to a unified and concentrated mind that makes it easier to access insight or vipassana meditation.

The other form of concentration meditation is Open Monitoring. In this awareness practice there is no fixed object. One brings awareness to whatever one is conscious of. As we witness the constant changing flow of experience it illustrates the important teaching of impermanence. Conventionally our minds are so busy. We are constantly multi-tasking and thinking what we need to do next. The value of Open Monitoring Meditation is we are specifically creating the opportunity to develop awareness with how our thinking minds normally works, as opposed to focusing on a single object.

The problem with focused awareness is it can lead to drowsiness. If this is happening one could switch to the more energizing practice of open monitoring. The problem with open monitoring is that one can become overwhelmed with the multiplicity of stimuli. If one is becoming too scattered a focused awareness practice may help settle your mind down.

Initially it may be more advantageous to choose a focused awareness practice as one’s initial meditation. When you feel the mind has become stable this may allow one to more effectively practice open monitoring. One could do both types of practice in one setting or stay with one specific practice for as long as it works for you.

The key to this practice is to experiment and find what works best for you.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Oct. 5, 2023

“Life is what’s happening while we’re busy making other plans.“

– John Lennon
Sept. 26, 2023

The contemporary definition of mindfulness that is widely accepted is outlined by Jon Kabat-Zinn as: “Awareness of the present moment on purpose, in a particular way and non-judgmentally.” We can all recognize that we need to be aware of what is happening in order to be able to do something about it. However, is being non-judgmental with our experience the end point of mindfulness, or is there more to it?

Consider the example of losing one’s keys. There is the initial judgment of the act itself of losing the keys. One might say: “This is a problem. Where did I last remember having them? Where do I need to look? If the keys can’t be found what needs to be done?” An evaluation of a situation but no one to take the blame for the loss. But what do we do? We create a sense of self that is responsible for what has happened and needs to be punished. We now state: “I am so bad. I am so careless. How could I have done this. I am terrible.” There is no separation between the judgment of the action and the self.

We self-reference every experience against our personal belief system of who we believe our sense of self is and should behave. The belief system is based on unmet psychological needs and inner child wounding.

It is important to recognize that judging is not the problem in mindfulness. It is SELF-REFERENTIAL JUDGMENT leading to a creation of a sense of self that is the problem. There can be discernment of the present moment based on whether the moment is congruent with the intentionality of kindness, compassion, respect, non-harming and generosity, not unmet personal needs.

When we ask one to be non-judgmental, implicit with this is a sense of restraint. Mindfulness is not about holding back but engaging with what is present and experiencing it fully in a somatic sense.

When we ask one to be non-judgmental this implies that what we consider needs to be judged to be real and true or there would be no need not to judge. The truth of our reality and self is that it is a temporary ephemeral conditioned construct. There is no need to judge or not judge an illusion.

Mindfulness is how one is in relationship with the sense of self. Can we follow the middle way? There is no need to grab on or push away. No need to judge or not judge. Can we simply be with what is as it is. Nothing to do. It is about BEING with what is, not DOING with what is.

The essence of mindfulness is not about being non-judgmental but non-identification and ultimately no creation of the sense of self. If there was no interpretation of each moment referenced against the belief system of who we believe we are, there would be no suffering!

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Sept. 7, 2023