Do you have something to say or just need to say something
You are in a conversation with someone. Do you know what you are going to say and more importantly why you are going to say what you say? Have you ever said something and as soon as you said it you regret that you ever spoke? Do you speak so that you will feel better about yourself? To be heard and recognized as being smarter? Is it to meet the societal expectation of being involved in a conversation with other to support community and friendship? Do you speak to avoid the discomfort of silence? Do you speak to present yourself in a particular way to meet some unmet psychological need? Do you speak as you feel you have something meaningful to add that isn’t self-centered? If you say something is it because you have something important and meaningful to say or you just need to say something in order to be heard.
We actually have the capacity to be aware of what we are going to say before we say it. The words are spoken internally before they are vocalized and we can train ourselves to listen. Before you speak say “WAIT” that will create an intentional pause before your mindless speaking and allow you to tune into what your mind has already subconsciously and autonomously created to say.
Then reflect on WAIT that stands for:
Why am I talking?
What is the intentionality for speaking? Allow for the answer to spontaneously arise. There is an intuitive knowing of the answer to this question. It is in this pause between WAIT and speaking that will allow you the clarity and insight to speak skillfully without harming.
by Dr. Phil Blustein