Mindful Musing

Each moment is an opportunity to experience who you believe you are

And an opening to discover who you really are

by Dr. Phil Blustein
April 18, 2025

We create a sense of self moment to moment as a defensive reactive action to meet unmet psychological needs in order to feel safe, loved and worthy. Typically we rest in identification with the sense of self. Self appropriates awareness and not only are we the object that is known, self, but the subject that knows what is known, self.

As we begin to learn about mindfulness and develop intentional discernment into this process of selfing there is a progressive deconstruction and disentanglement with the sense of self. This discernment can be supported by a repetitive reflective practice that explores how inner child wounding is the basis for self formation.

As there is a progression from our basic functioning mind to a more discerning one that is able to see the true nature of the sense of self, the belief in self weakens and there is a reciprocal strengthening of mindful awareness independent of identification with self. As we let go of the sense of the self there is a natural default into selfless awarenessing.

Conventional awareness does not have the discerning qualities to it that allows it to examine self and see its true nature. This is an awareness that immediately leads into selfing.

This shift in focus rests primarily in the deconstruction of the sense of self rather than a primary strengthening of awareness. Mindful discernment leading to non-identification with the sense of self is the intermediary that allows for the movement from selfing to awarenessing.

There is a dynamic dance between selfing and awarenessing dependent on the strength of the self story in the moment. This is a seesaw effect. Specifically, as the selfing increases, knowing decreases. As selfing decreases knowing can increase.

The sense of self as the object shifts from the belief that it is true and enduring to a hybrid understanding of it being real and its conditioned created nature to ultimately knowing it is just an illusion. Awarenessing as the subject shifts from being co-opted by self to a hybrid understanding of self-appropriated awareness and awarenessing to ultimately resting in non-self-referential mindful awareness.

This relationship is like a rubber band. Its tension will be dependent on the respective strengths of these opposing forces pulling the band. Through its action mindfulness is converting self from Velcro to Teflon.

Moment to moment there may be an oscillation between self and mindful awareness. Where we land on this continuum is constantly shifting. There is a progressive shift from a self oriented existence to resting in the witnessing perspective of unconditioned presence. With progressive practice the insight into the fabricated illusory nature of self is spontaneous and we automatically rest in awarenessing.

Ultimately in mindful awareness there is just non-identification with the sense of self that leads to selfless knowing of experience. The sense of self that is having the experience and the sense of self that is witnessing what is happening dissolves. Just like the transition from ego to the discerning mind to no self there is movement from self-appropriated awareness to discerning awareness to non-self-referential mindful awareness. Trust the intuitive wisdom and compassion of awarenessing to act skillfully.

One can approach resting in awarenessing in two ways. The object oriented approach is focused on seeing the illusory nature of self in order to let go and dis-identify and open into awarenessing. The subject oriented focus is to learn how to primarily anchor in awarenessing and be the knowing quality of mind. The more direct and probably easier approach is to start with deconstructing and disentangling from one’s sense of self. The only concern in approaching experience directly and primarily from awarenessing is that there may be spiritual bypassing of one’s fundamental inner child wounding.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
April 4, 2025

Is having a sense of self a bad thing? Can it exist? I am here typing and it seems that there is an entity that is doing that, that is me! When people talk about no self or not self in contemplative practice it can be confusing and may immediatey create resistance and fear as it implies a denial of existence. Who would I be without my sense of self? I am the self that I believe is me.

The core problem is that if we identify with our conventional understanding of the sense of self we will inevitably suffer! Our sense of self that is created is based on compensating for the deficiencies of our inner child. We are owning a self that is inherently flawed. We are acting to defend our sense of self that is viewed as being inadequate in every moment. One can see that the present moment self is a product of a constant flow of psychophysical processing and is not a permanent enduring structure. Therefore it makes no sense to be what is a continual temporary, different and ephemeral creation. The conventional self does serve a useful utilitarian function of being a symbolic representation for this human presence who we believe we are. Is the belief system that self is based on true and accurate? Is the interpretation of the present moment action of self true and accurate? Don’t forget the belief system of who we believe our sense of self is, was formed when we were very young and our perceptions were based on just trying to feel safe, loved and worthy. The way we see the world as adults is vastly different that when we were children. Presently we have knowledge, wisdom, experience, discernment and power.

I would like to suggest an alternate way to view a sense of self from our conventional understanding of it being an interpretation of self-referential judgment that has no enduring qualities. We come into this world with a unique personal DNA code that determines our physicality, certain mental functions and predispositions that shape our personality. We all have a basic biologic drive for survival and procreation. Superimposed on this innate basis is our childhood conditioning and other traumas that are unique to who we are. The traumatic events that happened to us were real. Our understanding of them not so. They were based on arbitrary, inaccurate, incomplete and everchanging misperceived interpretations.

We come into this world as humans with this wonderful capacity to be sentient beings. To see, hear, taste, touch and smell. The capacity to think, create and discern. The ability to feel our emotions. The capacity to inhabit these bodies and experience life through the direct felt sense of our physical sensations. There is nothing incomplete and imperfect about this. Just a wonderful potential of expression of our humaness. We come into this world with a unique gift that lives through us such as an artistic, dramatic, athletic, scholary or caregiver passion. There is no question that our DNA code is modifiable and changes as well as our physicality, mental and emotional functioning over time. However, I believe these elements can claim to have a certain degree of constancy and connection to them. It may not completely fulfill the Buddhist understanding of impermanence but it serves a valuable function to allow ourselves to get around the notion of not having a self. We can claim to have an underlying core that is unique and not constructed moment to moment. Just because you keep painting your house does not change the fact that the house still remains intact and the same underneathe. Just because you put on a different coat of identity does not change what is present underneathe. I see it like a ball of wool that slowly unravels. There is a connection between each new thread of wool that is unique but it all arises from the same common origin. There is a progressive linkage that unites everything.

Contemplative practice would say that we believe we are the sense of self that is created moment to moment from causes and conditions coming together. That it is a fabricated construction with no inherent essence. That is true but what creates the fabrication is separate and has a different truth than the self that is created. Can we shift what we believe our sense of self is? Can we see ourselves as this human presence that is a manifestation of all these unique and wonderful characteristics described above. That we are this self that is our human presence that has the capacity to be in relationship with the present moment based on our unique potentiality, not our constructed conditioned interpretation.

self as the creator of what we manifest, not what is the product of the creation

self as the underlying process of what manifests, not what is processed

This is the sense of self that we are at our core, not our constructed conditioned nature. These are constant human capacities that allow us to be in relationship with experience, not what results from the interaction.

Although a sense of self is created that is conditioned let us not forget that the intentionality of whatever our minds create is skillful. It is an attempt to protect our human being and keep us safe, loved and worthy. The self may be a conflicted and troublesome creation but its purpose is intended to be skillful.

The problem is not that there is a sense of self but what it represents. Can we change our perspective of self and see it as innately complete, whole and integrated as it can be in the moment, not flawed and inadequate? Ultimately one can be present in each moment without worrying about having to defend the sense of self. This allows one to act in a skillful way that recognizes the interdependence and interconnection with all existence. Wouldn’t it be liberating if we could live our life from this base of an integrated stable presence rather than our moment to moment fluctuating interpreted sense of self? To observe each moment, not how it defines who we believe we are, but how it reflects how we are in a skillful relationship with each moment. Can I see self as this physicality, cognitive and emotional complete presence and the potentiality to process and the processing of experience moment to moment, not what is processed.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
March 21, 2025

The contemporary understanding of mindfulness is reflected in Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition:

Paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, nonjudgmentally

Being non-judgmental is important but it is only one step in a broader practice that involves several key components. I believe that using the word non-judgmental as a key part of the definition misdirects and confuses people along the path. The emphasis needs to be redirected. Mindfulness is not a non-reactive and non-judgmental position but involves an open and receptive presence with discernment into the true nature of self in order to be present in a wholesome way.

The word non-judgmental refers to a state. This is the way I will be with experience. I believe mindfulness is a MULTIFACETED PROCESS of how one is in relationship with what is known and responds to it. The overarching map of mindfulness involves the three components of awareness, relationship and action.

I would like to offer my definition for mindfulness.

META-AWARENESS
ENGAGED EMBODIMENT
DISCERNMENT OF SELF-REFERENTIAL JUDGMENT
NON-ATTACHMENT WITH SELF
SKILLFUL ACTION

*AWARENESS

The original explanation of sati was to bring a sustained awareness to what is present in order to examine and learn from it. In holding what is present this allows for the possibility of discernment to understand how the present moment experience and self has come into existence. 

One constantly hears that modern mindfulness is to:

Know what one’s experience is in the present moment

To know means to be aware of one’s experience. This definitely is part of the definition of mindfulness. There is no question that awareness is an essential first step to mindfulness. If we don’t know what is happening how can we know what to do with it. The problem is that too often we are lost in thought and don’t know what we know. There needs to be meta-awareness or knowing what one knows.

Furthermore, the understanding of awareness in mindfulness is that there is a sustained knowing of what is known. As Andrew Olendzki explains in Tricycle Magazine Fall 2014 The Mindfulness Wedge:

“The ability to hold awareness upon a chosen object with some stability or to return it to a primary object once it has strayed, and to do so without agitation, self-blame, or frustration, is a useful skill to learn.“

Bear in mind if you are aware of your sadness, guilt, shame and anger you may actually be MORE sad, guilty, shameful and angry. You are suddenly aware of what you are feeling while previously you were lost in the emotion and did not know what you knew. The problem is that modern definitions that limit mindfulness to enhanced attention does not do justice to what it really is. It is not just the: “Joy of Being in the Now.” What are we aware of? The initial sensation, the meaning making and one’s relationship with what is present or the action that follows?

*RELATIONSHIP

Mindfulness is not just about awareness! It is about developing a wholesome relationship with the present moment.

The initial aspect is RECEPTIVITY. Non-judgment has an implied quality of containment and separation. Mindfulness is an invitation, opening, allowing and intimately experiencing what is present without resistance. One begins to befriend the mind! This is not about inhibiting one’s normal reaction of judgment. If judgment occurs then it is just part of what one is intimately experiencing. This is achieved by directly feeling what is known through the body. Mindfulness is not just about the thinking mind but also importantly involves processing one’s experience through the body to feel one’s way through suffering.

Mindfulness is not only about being in the now

But being ok with whatever is now

Mindfulness is also about DISCERNMENT, not non-judgment. Judgment is a critical evaluation of what is present influenced by personal bias and the need to be better than someone else. Discernment is a clear seeing into how our sense of self and present moment reality comes into existence through self-referential judgment. It is an insight practice that brings clarity to the moment, not a judging process.This allows one to be with what is as it is not what we make, want, believe or need it to be. This insight allows for non-identification with the sense of self that is critical for not suffering.

Can you be one with it

Not the one that is it

*ACTION

It is through non-identification with the sense of self one is able to be open to the interconnectedness and interdependence with other allowing one to act skillfully. There is no reified sense of self to defend. Mindfulness is always associated with wholesome action.

One can see that being non-judgmental is in fact not an important component of mindfulness. It is not about what one does not do, not judge, but what one does do, awareness, embodiment, discernment and skillful action.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
March 7, 2025

Historic mindfulness was much more than the contemporary understanding of mindfulness as awareness and being non-judgmental.

There was a REFRAIN after each of the mindfulness practices that indicated one contemplates the body (feelings, mind and dhammas):

* Contemplating experience both INTERNALLY and EXTERNALLY. One contemplates one’s own and then another’s experience.
* Observing the IMPERMANENCE of existence.
* Consciousness of what is present to the extent needed for BARE KNOWLEDGE with SUSTAINED MINDFULNESS such that one is aware of what is present as it is without mental proliferation and selfing.
* ABIDE INDEPENDENT or with NO CLINGING to anything.

Significantly the refrain is pointing to understanding the impermanence of experience and the importance of non-clinging as the segue to freedom.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
February 21, 2025