I made a comment the other day to a friend and I felt it was inappropriate. My mind was upset and immediately judged me at the time. It said: “How could I have said that? It was so mean. I am such a bad friend. This is terrible. I am terrible!” In the moment all I was aware of was the self-criticism and not what actually happened. The next day all of a sudden my mind is saying: “This is terrible. How could I have done that.” My mind was reliving the previous experience. However, there was no context for what my mind was saying. There was no recollection of my previous initial conversation with my friend, just the judgment of what I had done.
This is the common way in which we operate. We forget what the initiating event was that led to the judgment. We are predominantly aware of the resistance, approach or avoidance, to the judgment of what has happened rather than what incited the reaction.
Is it possible to bring awareness to what started the process and is this of value? Yes. We have the capacity to develop interest, curiosity and resolve to specifically look for what was the starting experience. One can train the mind to slow down, search and identify the initial stimulus to the judgment. With practice and over time this starts to begin a more automatic response.
At the point one becomes aware of the self-criticism immediately stop and look to see if one can identify what the mind was initially thinking about that triggered the reaction. In identifying the original stimulus and seeing what we create with it we are able to clearly see the process of how we create our reality and sense of self. This helps support non-identification.
It is much easier to be in relationship with the original experience that is neutral in itself prior to the meaning making and selfing. Stepping back to the contact point creates a pause, inhibits mental proliferation and allows a space for intentional focusing on the underlying belief system of our sense of self, that is the basis for self-referential judgment and selfing.
As we know our mind is a meaning making machine. If we can identify the original event before meaning making we have the capacity to rest in that moment and change our reaction to it!
It is important to return to the original point of contact. It is important to look backwards in order to move forwards.
by Dr. Phil Blustein
November 8, 2024