meditation

Mindfulness as a Balancing Act of Selfing and Awarenessing

Mindful Musing , ,
MINDFULNESS AS A BALANCING ACT OF SELFING AND AWARENESSING

We create a sense of self moment to moment as a defensive reactive action to meet unmet psychological needs in order to feel safe, loved and worthy. Typically we rest in identification with the sense of self. Self appropriates awareness and not only are we the object that is known, self, but the subject that knows what is known, self.

As we begin to learn about mindfulness and develop intentional discernment into this process of selfing there is a progressive deconstruction and disentanglement with the sense of self. This discernment can be supported by a repetitive reflective practice that explores how inner child wounding is the basis for self formation.

As there is a progression from our basic functioning mind to a more discerning one that is able to see the true nature of the sense of self, the belief in self weakens and there is a reciprocal strengthening of mindful awareness independent of identification with self. As we let go of the sense of the self there is a natural default into selfless awarenessing.

Conventional awareness does not have the discerning qualities to it that allows it to examine self and see its true nature. This is an awareness that immediately leads into selfing.

This shift in focus rests primarily in the deconstruction of the sense of self rather than a primary strengthening of awareness. Mindful discernment leading to non-identification with the sense of self is the intermediary that allows for the movement from selfing to awarenessing.

There is a dynamic dance between selfing and awarenessing dependent on the strength of the self story in the moment. This is a seesaw effect. Specifically, as the selfing increases, knowing decreases. As selfing decreases knowing can increase.

The sense of self as the object shifts from the belief that it is true and enduring to a hybrid understanding of it being real and its conditioned created nature to ultimately knowing it is just an illusion. Awarenessing as the subject shifts from being co-opted by self to a hybrid understanding of self-appropriated awareness and awarenessing to ultimately resting in non-self-referential mindful awareness.

This relationship is like a rubber band. Its tension will be dependent on the respective strengths of these opposing forces pulling the band. Through its action mindfulness is converting self from Velcro to Teflon.

Moment to moment there may be an oscillation between self and mindful awareness. Where we land on this continuum is constantly shifting. There is a progressive shift from a self oriented existence to resting in the witnessing perspective of unconditioned presence. With progressive practice the insight into the fabricated illusory nature of self is spontaneous and we automatically rest in awarenessing.

Ultimately in mindful awareness there is just non-identification with the sense of self that leads to selfless knowing of experience. The sense of self that is having the experience and the sense of self that is witnessing what is happening dissolves. Just like the transition from ego to the discerning mind to no self there is movement from self-appropriated awareness to discerning awareness to non-self-referential mindful awareness. Trust the intuitive wisdom and compassion of awarenessing to act skillfully.

One can approach resting in awarenessing in two ways. The object oriented approach is focused on seeing the illusory nature of self in order to let go and dis-identify and open into awarenessing. The subject oriented focus is to learn how to primarily anchor in awarenessing and be the knowing quality of mind. The more direct and probably easier approach is to start with deconstructing and disentangling from one’s sense of self. The only concern in approaching experience directly and primarily from awarenessing is that there may be spiritual bypassing of one’s fundamental inner child wounding.


by Dr. Phil Blustein
April 4, 2025

Consider What Self Might Be

Mindful Musing , ,
CONSIDER WHAT SELF MIGHT BE

Is having a sense of self a bad thing? Can it exist? I am here typing and it seems that there is an entity that is doing that, that is me! When people talk about no self or not self in contemplative practice it can be confusing and may immediatey create resistance and fear as it implies a denial of existence. Who would I be without my sense of self? I am the self that I believe is me.

The core problem is that if we identify with our conventional understanding of the sense of self we will inevitably suffer! Our sense of self that is created is based on compensating for the deficiencies of our inner child. We are owning a self that is inherently flawed. We are acting to defend our sense of self that is viewed as being inadequate in every moment. One can see that the present moment self is a product of a constant flow of psychophysical processing and is not a permanent enduring structure. Therefore it makes no sense to be what is a continual temporary, different and ephemeral creation. The conventional self does serve a useful utilitarian function of being a symbolic representation for this human presence who we believe we are. Is the belief system that self is based on true and accurate? Is the interpretation of the present moment action of self true and accurate? Don’t forget the belief system of who we believe our sense of self is, was formed when we were very young and our perceptions were based on just trying to feel safe, loved and worthy. The way we see the world as adults is vastly different that when we were children. Presently we have knowledge, wisdom, experience, discernment and power.

I would like to suggest an alternate way to view a sense of self from our conventional understanding of it being an interpretation of self-referential judgment that has no enduring qualities. We come into this world with a unique personal DNA code that determines our physicality, certain mental functions and predispositions that shape our personality. We all have a basic biologic drive for survival and procreation. Superimposed on this innate basis is our childhood conditioning and other traumas that are unique to who we are. The traumatic events that happened to us were real. Our understanding of them not so. They were based on arbitrary, inaccurate, incomplete and everchanging misperceived interpretations.

We come into this world as humans with this wonderful capacity to be sentient beings. To see, hear, taste, touch and smell. The capacity to think, create and discern. The ability to feel our emotions. The capacity to inhabit these bodies and experience life through the direct felt sense of our physical sensations. There is nothing incomplete and imperfect about this. Just a wonderful potential of expression of our humaness. We come into this world with a unique gift that lives through us such as an artistic, dramatic, athletic, scholary or caregiver passion. There is no question that our DNA code is modifiable and changes as well as our physicality, mental and emotional functioning over time. However, I believe these elements can claim to have a certain degree of constancy and connection to them. It may not completely fulfill the Buddhist understanding of impermanence but it serves a valuable function to allow ourselves to get around the notion of not having a self. We can claim to have an underlying core that is unique and not constructed moment to moment. Just because you keep painting your house does not change the fact that the house still remains intact and the same underneathe. Just because you put on a different coat of identity does not change what is present underneathe. I see it like a ball of wool that slowly unravels. There is a connection between each new thread of wool that is unique but it all arises from the same common origin. There is a progressive linkage that unites everything.

Contemplative practice would say that we believe we are the sense of self that is created moment to moment from causes and conditions coming together. That it is a fabricated construction with no inherent essence. That is true but what creates the fabrication is separate and has a different truth than the self that is created. Can we shift what we believe our sense of self is? Can we see ourselves as this human presence that is a manifestation of all these unique and wonderful characteristics described above. That we are this self that is our human presence that has the capacity to be in relationship with the present moment based on our unique potentiality, not our constructed conditioned interpretation.

self as the creator of what we manifest, not what is the product of the creation

self as the underlying process of what manifests, not what is processed

This is the sense of self that we are at our core, not our constructed conditioned nature. These are constant human capacities that allow us to be in relationship with experience, not what results from the interaction.

Although a sense of self is created that is conditioned let us not forget that the intentionality of whatever our minds create is skillful. It is an attempt to protect our human being and keep us safe, loved and worthy. The self may be a conflicted and troublesome creation but its purpose is intended to be skillful.

The problem is not that there is a sense of self but what it represents. Can we change our perspective of self and see it as innately complete, whole and integrated as it can be in the moment, not flawed and inadequate? Ultimately one can be present in each moment without worrying about having to defend the sense of self. This allows one to act in a skillful way that recognizes the interdependence and interconnection with all existence. Wouldn’t it be liberating if we could live our life from this base of an integrated stable presence rather than our moment to moment fluctuating interpreted sense of self? To observe each moment, not how it defines who we believe we are, but how it reflects how we are in a skillful relationship with each moment. Can I see self as this physicality, cognitive and emotional complete presence and the potentiality to process and the processing of experience moment to moment, not what is processed.


by Dr. Phil Blustein
March 21, 2025