We create a sense of self moment to moment as a defensive reactive action to meet unmet psychological needs in order to feel safe, loved and worthy. Typically we rest in identification with the sense of self. Self appropriates awareness and not only are we the object that is known, self, but the subject that knows what is known, self.
As we begin to learn about mindfulness and develop intentional discernment into this process of selfing there is a progressive deconstruction and disentanglement with the sense of self. This discernment can be supported by a repetitive reflective practice that explores how inner child wounding is the basis for self formation.
As there is a progression from our basic functioning mind to a more discerning one that is able to see the true nature of the sense of self, the belief in self weakens and there is a reciprocal strengthening of mindful awareness independent of identification with self. As we let go of the sense of the self there is a natural default into selfless awarenessing.
Conventional awareness does not have the discerning qualities to it that allows it to examine self and see its true nature. This is an awareness that immediately leads into selfing.
This shift in focus rests primarily in the deconstruction of the sense of self rather than a primary strengthening of awareness. Mindful discernment leading to non-identification with the sense of self is the intermediary that allows for the movement from selfing to awarenessing.
There is a dynamic dance between selfing and awarenessing dependent on the strength of the self story in the moment. This is a seesaw effect. Specifically, as the selfing increases, knowing decreases. As selfing decreases knowing can increase.
The sense of self as the object shifts from the belief that it is true and enduring to a hybrid understanding of it being real and its conditioned created nature to ultimately knowing it is just an illusion. Awarenessing as the subject shifts from being co-opted by self to a hybrid understanding of self-appropriated awareness and awarenessing to ultimately resting in non-self-referential mindful awareness.
This relationship is like a rubber band. Its tension will be dependent on the respective strengths of these opposing forces pulling the band. Through its action mindfulness is converting self from Velcro to Teflon.
Moment to moment there may be an oscillation between self and mindful awareness. Where we land on this continuum is constantly shifting. There is a progressive shift from a self oriented existence to resting in the witnessing perspective of unconditioned presence. With progressive practice the insight into the fabricated illusory nature of self is spontaneous and we automatically rest in awarenessing.
Ultimately in mindful awareness there is just non-identification with the sense of self that leads to selfless knowing of experience. The sense of self that is having the experience and the sense of self that is witnessing what is happening dissolves. Just like the transition from ego to the discerning mind to no self there is movement from self-appropriated awareness to discerning awareness to non-self-referential mindful awareness. Trust the intuitive wisdom and compassion of awarenessing to act skillfully.
One can approach resting in awarenessing in two ways. The object oriented approach is focused on seeing the illusory nature of self in order to let go and dis-identify and open into awarenessing. The subject oriented focus is to learn how to primarily anchor in awarenessing and be the knowing quality of mind. The more direct and probably easier approach is to start with deconstructing and disentangling from one’s sense of self. The only concern in approaching experience directly and primarily from awarenessing is that there may be spiritual bypassing of one’s fundamental inner child wounding.
by Dr. Phil Blustein
April 4, 2025