Mindful Musing

Focused Awareness or Open Monitoring

Concentration meditation is based on two types of awareness. Focused awareness or Open Monitoring. In Focused Awareness one chooses a specific object to focus one’s attention on such as the breath, body, mantra, sound or visualization. Its value is that as one is focused on one object this tends to shut down the thinking mind and the Default Mode Network that leads to selfing. It also helps develop the capacity to be aware that is an essential part of mindfulness. This meditation practice can lead to a unified and concentrated mind that makes it easier to access insight or vipassana meditation.

The other form of concentration meditation is Open Monitoring. In this awareness practice there is no fixed object. One brings awareness to whatever one is conscious of. As we witness the constant changing flow of experience it illustrates the important teaching of impermanence. Conventionally our minds are so busy. We are constantly multi-tasking and thinking what we need to do next. The value of Open Monitoring Meditation is we are specifically creating the opportunity to develop awareness with how our thinking minds normally works, as opposed to focusing on a single object.

The problem with focused awareness is it can lead to drowsiness. If this is happening one could switch to the more energizing practice of open monitoring. The problem with open monitoring is that one can become overwhelmed with the multiplicity of stimuli. If one is becoming too scattered a focused awareness practice may help settle your mind down.

Initially it may be more advantageous to choose a focused awareness practice as one’s initial meditation. When you feel the mind has become stable this may allow one to more effectively practice open monitoring. One could do both types of practice in one setting or stay with one specific practice for as long as it works for you.

The key to this practice is to experiment and find what works best for you.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Oct. 5, 2023

“Life is what’s happening while we’re busy making other plans.“

– John Lennon
Sept. 26, 2023

The contemporary definition of mindfulness that is widely accepted is outlined by Jon Kabat-Zinn as: “Awareness of the present moment on purpose, in a particular way and non-judgmentally.” We can all recognize that we need to be aware of what is happening in order to be able to do something about it. However, is being non-judgmental with our experience the end point of mindfulness, or is there more to it?

Consider the example of losing one’s keys. There is the initial judgment of the act itself of losing the keys. One might say: “This is a problem. Where did I last remember having them? Where do I need to look? If the keys can’t be found what needs to be done?” An evaluation of a situation but no one to take the blame for the loss. But what do we do? We create a sense of self that is responsible for what has happened and needs to be punished. We now state: “I am so bad. I am so careless. How could I have done this. I am terrible.” There is no separation between the judgment of the action and the self.

We self-reference every experience against our personal belief system of who we believe our sense of self is and should behave. The belief system is based on unmet psychological needs and inner child wounding.

It is important to recognize that judging is not the problem in mindfulness. It is SELF-REFERENTIAL JUDGMENT leading to a creation of a sense of self that is the problem. There can be discernment of the present moment based on whether the moment is congruent with the intentionality of kindness, compassion, respect, non-harming and generosity, not unmet personal needs.

When we ask one to be non-judgmental, implicit with this is a sense of restraint. Mindfulness is not about holding back but engaging with what is present and experiencing it fully in a somatic sense.

When we ask one to be non-judgmental this implies that what we consider needs to be judged to be real and true or there would be no need not to judge. The truth of our reality and self is that it is a temporary ephemeral conditioned construct. There is no need to judge or not judge an illusion.

Mindfulness is how one is in relationship with the sense of self. Can we follow the middle way? There is no need to grab on or push away. No need to judge or not judge. Can we simply be with what is as it is. Nothing to do. It is about BEING with what is, not DOING with what is.

The essence of mindfulness is not about being non-judgmental but non-identification and ultimately no creation of the sense of self. If there was no interpretation of each moment referenced against the belief system of who we believe we are, there would be no suffering!

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Sept. 7, 2023

JUST INSTRUCTIVE

I was supposed to call someone and I forgot. When I remember later I criticize myself. “How disrespectful can I be. I treated my friend so bad. I am terrible. I am not a good friend. I am mean!”

Every moment we are constantly determining whether our action is good or bad? Right or wrong? Is this something that I want or don’t? We are always placing value on what we experience. We interpret the value of our actions as an index of our self-worth. What would life be like if we didn’t have to judge it? If we could see experience with an eye of equanimity. The segue to doing this is to not focus on the content of what is experienced but what it represents!

In the above example I judge myself. On the surface level it is about being a disrespectful adult. However, the reality is that since my childhood I have always had a need to be perfect in order to feel safe, loved and worthy. Failure in calling my friend triggered the memory of my inner child wounding. The core reason for the criticism is the belief that the action of the sense of self is at fault. Instead of judging whether our sense of self has acted in a way that is congruent or incongruent with who we believe we are, can we bring awareness and discernment into this process of selfing? Can we recognize that the intentionality of all experience is skillful as it is an attempt to keep one safe, loved and worthy.

Can we examine each moment to see what is being revealed about the foundation for our sense of self? It is neither positive or negative, just informative by pointing to our truth and what we can learn.

In each moment ask yourself:

“What can I learn about myself from this moment?“

by Dr. Phil Blustein
June 2, 2023

The contemporary definition of mindfulness as outlined by Jon Kabat-Zinn is: “Awareness of the present moment on purpose, in a particular way and non-judgmentally.” Is being non-judgmental with our experience the end point of mindfulness, or is there more to it? Originally from historic Theravada Buddhism one of the main goals of mindfulness was to act skillfully. This is one of the criticisms of our current understanding of mindfulness, that there is no comment on skillful or ethical behavior.

Apparently JKZ deliberately did not include acting skillfully in the definition. He stated: “Clinical psychologists want very linear and easy to understand definitions. One can’t understand mindfulness with your thinking mind. It is like a koan.” A koan is a puzzle that Zen Buddhists use in their practice to help reveal greater insights through non-conceptual intuition. That may be true, but most people who practice mindfulness are not Zen practitioners.

Ethical behavior in contemporary mindfulness of MBSR is said to be implicit, not explicit. Jon Kabat-Zinn commented on the ethics of MBSR and stated:

The ethical foundation of the practice is to be more implicit than explicit, and that it may be best expressed, supported, and furthered by how we, the MBSR instructor and the entire staff of the clinic, embody it in our own lives and in how we relate to the patients, the doctors, the hospital staff, everybody, and of course, how we relate to our own interior experience.

Contemporary Buddhism 2011, 12:1 Page 295 Some reflections on the origins of MBSR, skillful means, and the trouble with maps.
Jon Kabat-Zinn

He felt that the MBSR staff should model ethical behavior that will influence what the participants do. This is an unrealistic expectation that there will be uniformity in the instructors and their behaviour, intent and teaching style. Also people learn mindfulness from reading and apps without taking an MBSR course or having a teacher.

There also appears to be a faith in the action of the individual to act ethically.

First, it is inevitably the personal responsibility of each person engaging in this work to attend with care and intentionality to how we are actually living our lives, both personally and professionally, in terms of ethical behaviour. An awareness of one’s conduct and the quality of one’s relationships, inwardly and outwardly, in terms of their potential to cause harm, are intrinsic elements of the cultivation of mindfulness as I am describing it here.

Contemporary Buddhism 2011, 12:1 Page 294 Some reflections on the origins of MBSR, skillful means, and the trouble with maps.
Jon Kabat-Zinn

This also seems to be an unrealistic assumption and expectation. One could argue that for most people, one’s personal intent in taking Mindfulness is self-centered motivation in order to feel better personally. To relieve one’s stress. Not ethical behavior.

There needs to be explicit goals set out for what one is doing in order to guide the participants rather than relying on their personal responsibility and capacity to operate from ethics, and the guidance of the MBSR instructors through modeling of behavior.

People want a clear definition and roadmap that outlines what mindfulness is and what is its purpose. According to the definition it seems that the end point is to be non-judgmental. This explains how one is in relationship with the present moment but not what do you do next. The ultimate goal of mindfulness is not to be non-judgmental but to act skillfully in an ethical and non-harming manner. The contemporary definition of mindfulness is misleading!

It is imperative that the goal of ethical behavior as an end point be stated in the definition of mindfulness to help clearly guide the actions of the participants.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
May 19, 2023

Who do you believe you are? What relatively fixed beliefs do you hold about your sense of self? Do you see yourself as quiet, invisible, agreeable, submissive, the good boy or girl, guilty, shameful, powerful or demanding? We are a self-fulfilling prophecy of our personal narrative and constantly act to meet the expectations we hold of our personal image. Every moment the actions of our sense of self are interpreted if they are congruent or incongruent with how we believe we should be in this world. We suffer as we believe we are not perfect. We are constantly trying to meet the unmet needs of our conditioned history. We are our story.

Is this the only way we can be in this world? With repeated reflective practice and discernment there is the capacity to move beyond the conditioned construct of the sense of self and rest in one’s authentic self. This is a space of unification and wholeness. An integration of inner child wounding to rest in a sense of self that acts through non-self-referential discernment rather than self-referential judgment. Is the present moment an expression of ethics, morality, compassion, wisdom and non-harming?

To also rest in Presence or Self that exists beyond the conditionality of self. This embodies an innate compassion, wisdom, joy and interconnectedness. A space that allows for the expression of one’s unique gift calling to live through you. Can one just rest in this essence? Nothing to do. Just be!

We can suffer in BEING ME or rest in the contentment of ME BEING.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
May 10, 2023

We see a beautiful rainbow, mountains, sky, flowers etc. and the next time we see it, it has lost its impact. As humans we quickly habituate to what we experience. This may reflect a primitive biologic need for survival. If we become too engrossed in what we are experiencing we are no longer vigilant to a potential threat. We also make the assumption that it is the same and we know what it is. We become bored. “Nothing new here!” Unfortunately, we miss out on a lot. Just listen to people who have a life threatening illness with a shortened life span. They may often experience an appreciation and joy for every moment that they never had before. What is different? The way they view and are present for the moment! We have all experienced the awe of a majestic moment that seems greater than our human condition. Is it possible to see the awe in everyday experience that on the surface lacks the majesty of the vastness of one’s awe filled moments?

I believe it requires the cultivation of two components. First, we need to be aware of what is present. Conventionally we are not present to what we are experiencing. We multitask, always looking for the next sensory “hit.” We need to slow down. Focus on what we are experiencing. Be aware of what we are aware of. When we have the capacity to have continual awareness of what we are doing in the present moment, this helps to shut down the mental interpretation, amplification and rumination. We short circuit the default mode network of selfing.

Next there needs to be a cultivation of developing a different way to view experience. Value is not inherent to what is being experienced. It is superimposed by us onto what we are in relationship with. Initially we need to look for what is unique with what we are experiencing. Nothing is the same. Can we see the beauty manifesting in all that we experience? Can we see the interconnectedness of existence reflected in what we encounter? Can this be a reminder to have gratitude for one’s capacity to be able to be aware? Can we rejoice in being reminded of the fact that we are alive in this human existence moment to moment? Can we delight in the discovery of what is being revealed to us?

With every experience reflect:
“How can I look to see how Awe Full this moment is?“

by Dr. Phil Blustein
May 4, 2023

“Remember Jerry it’s not a lie if you believe it“

The truth of self is that it feels real but it is not true.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
April 29, 2023

How often have you heard: “Be mindful when you eat, drink your tea or coffee, take a shower or bath, talk, walk etc.” There is mindfulness for sex, poker, work, sports, eating. The main emphasis seems to be on paying attention to what you are doing! Does this make a thief or sniper mindful? They are certainly focused. Is this what mindfulness is all about?

I believe that being attentive is confused as mindfulness. There is no question that the first aspect of mindfulness is to be aware. If one is not aware then one is trapped in the automatic reaction to what is happening and you can’t do anything about it. The problem is that there is no direction on what happens after you are aware. Mindfulness is multifaceted. It is about developing a skillful relationship with the present moment. There are multiple components present. Awareness, embodiment, compassion, insight into the true nature of reality and self leading to non-attachment to self and subsequent skillful and ethical action.

Be aware but just don’t stop there!

by Dr. Phil Blustein
March 21, 2023

I lose my keys and in a flash my mind is saying to me: “How stupid and careless can you be! What will you do now. You will never find those keys. You are hopeless.” Would I deliberately think and say this to myself? What a terrible way to treat anyone. Our minds work so fast that instantly the present moment is referenced against the belief of who I believe I am with self-judgement and criticism of one’s action. I create a sense of self appropriate for this moment to compensate for my inadequate behavior. As soon as I am aware of my problematic self I identify with it and carry on with further amplification and proliferation of the story of self. This all happens beyond my conscious control of what is happening. This is the way our minds normally work. This instantaneous reaction may just be an attempt for survival purposes. How to prepare oneself for the possibility of a threat.

What is interesting about our minds is the subsequent presence of a gap. Our thinking mind naturally slows once it has initially judged and we become aware of the created self of the moment. There is time to consciously decide how we are going to be in relationship with the self. Does one carry on with further storytelling and judgment of the self or step into mindful discernment. Perhaps this reflects our minds attempt to pause and reflect on what our minds initially and instantaneously have created to be sure it is skillful.

As you become aware of the process of mindfulness and the presence of the pause, there is a greater potential for the gap to become more obvious, well-defined and prolonged. It is important to be aware of the pause and cultivate it. Step into the gap and get off the runaway train called self.

Step into the Gap

by Dr. Phil Blustein
March 6, 2023

Awareness is a Mirror that reflects back who we believe we are

Mindfulness is a Window that lets us see who we really are

How do you see yourself? How do you really see yourself? We all have images about who we believe we are and the roles we act out in life. We believe we are strong or weak, introverted or extroverted, generous or selfish, kind or mean. Critically what underlies this image is our underlying belief system of who we are and how we should act in this world. What underlying unmet psychological needs are present that drive us to compensate for? It is this belief system through which we view each moment.

We interpret our experiences the way we believe it to be relative to our conditioned constructed sense of self. Conventional awareness is a mirror that reflects back who we believe we are. With mindfulness there is insight into the true nature of reality and self. As we deconstruct self, leading to non-attachment and ultimately no self creation, we are able to see experience through the transparency of a window. We see who we really are.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Feb 27, 2023

What is mindfulness ultimately all about? Is it to enhance attention, relieve stress, act ethically or achieve enlightenment? From a greater perspective it may reflect our basic human desire for harmony and homeostasis. What often happens in any moment is that we are triggered and enter a state of dysregulation. Every moment is viewed from a basic biologic drive for survival and we react subconsciously with a fight, flight or freeze response. We create our reality moment to moment.

Experience is seen through the lens of our personal unique conditioned belief system in order to compensate for the perception that we are flawed and incomplete. How can we react to make us feel safe, loved or worthy? We are forced to then deal with our anger, fear, sadness, shame, guilt etc.

Mindfulness is a counterbalancing force to help self-regulate our out of control system. Through awareness, insight into the true nature of self and reality and self-compassion mindfulness can help to bring us back to our baseline level.

There is this wonderful interplay between what one subconsciously creates and how one responds to it. Mindfulness is about an inner balance. Harmony between the activated conditioned nature of mind and the rebalancing, re-centering and grounding of mindfulness that brings mind back from its agitated state. Unfortunately, our resting state may not be one of balance. Many of us exist in a chronically dysregulated state of agitation, stress and anxiety. It is possible that as we cultivate mindfulness, not only are we able to return to our resting state but allow for it to be reset to a more grounded stable level.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Feb 8, 2023

We Turn a Blind
“I”
to the Truth
of the Moment

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Jan 25, 2023

Step In, Step Back, Step Up

Step In: One first needs to be aware of what is present. Once one knows what one knows there is an active engaged embodiment. This helps one to detach from our thinking mind. There is a stepping into what is happening to fully experience it through one’s body. It is important to sustain this awareness until one surrenders into silence and stillness. Embodiment is more than feeling a physical sensation. We are holding our inner child wounding trapped in our bodies with acceptance and compassion that slowly allows for its release and integration.

Step Back: It is the belief in the solidity of the sense of self that leads to our suffering. Through discernment one can investigate and see how our self is continually conditionally constructed based on trying to meet our unmet psychological needs. The illusory nature of self is recognized. This allows for one to step back and non-attach to the sense of self.

Step Up: As one does not identify with the sense of self and ultimately does not create a sense of self, there is a stepping up. There is a transcendence of one’s conditional self into Presence. Unconditioned innate compassion and wisdom.

by Dr. Phil Blustein
Jan 6, 2023

(Sāi Wēng Shī Mǎ or Sāi Wēng lost his horse).

An old Chinese farmer saved up small amounts of money over a year to buy a new horse. Just a day after the farmer bought the horse, it ran away. His neighbour expressed grief, but the farmer himself was calm. “I hope you can get over this bad news” said the neighbor. “Good news or bad news, can’t say” replied the farmer. The next day, the horse returned to the farmer’s house by itself, and brought another stray horse with it. “Cheer up, we’re going to multiply our farm income. That’s great news” said the farmer’s son. “Good news or bad news, can’t say” replied the farmer and carried on with his work. A week later, the farmer took the first horse to his farm and his son took the second horse to follow his father to work. On the way, the second horse pushed the boy down and ran away. The boy’s leg was fractured badly. That evening back home, the farmer’s wife groaned “We will have to spend all our extra savings on our son’s broken leg. What a terrible news”. Once again, the farmer replied: “Good news or bad news, can’t say.” A month later, the farmer’s King announced a war on the neighboring nation. Citing a lack of foot soldiers, the King ordered all able-bodied men in the nation to get drafted into the military without excuses. The farmer’s son was spared because of his broken leg. Later, the inexperienced soldiers got slaughtered in the war. “You are lucky that your son did not get drafted. Mine returned with severe injuries. Many have been handicapped or killed” complained the farmer’s best friend. Unabashed, the farmer responded: “Good news or bad news, can’t say”.

This Chinese proverb points out the nature of reality that good luck can change to bad luck and bad luck can change to good luck. Everything has the potential for change and is impermanent. Follow the mantra of “Maybe” when anything good or bad happens. This reminds one of the possibility that anything can happen in the next moment.

by Dr. Phil Blustein

Is it about Outrage or Inrage

A group of my friends get together to watch a movie. One of the people says: “I know a great movie. Everyone will enjoy it. I will start it now!” I say to myself: “Wait a second. The group hasn’t even talked about it and you want to start the movie. How inconsiderate and selfish can you be.” In this situation from a present moment adult level there is an evaluation that this person’s action was inconsiderate and selfish. There is “Outrage” at the other person for what they have done. However, when you get angry with someone else, is it all about the other person? When I was growing up the personal narrative I learned was that one needed to be quiet, invisible, not challenge authority (parents) and not create a problem. In order to protect myself I created the simple strategy of just being perfect! When this other person acted in a way that was totally contrary to my personal belief system it triggered a reaction within me. I transposed myself onto what the other person did and personalized his action. I was expressing “Inrage” at myself for an action that I assumed responsibility for and was not in keeping with what I needed to do to feel safe, loved and worthy. And why was the other person doing what he was doing? Everyone one of us has a unique story that determines our behaviour.

When you get upset with someone you need to remember that when you come to a crossroad of friction you need to:

Look Both Ways

“What is calling to be heard” both in the other person and yourself that is responsible for the action. Just don’t place all the responsibility for what is going on with the other person. Remember to look inside yourself to see what is being triggered.

by Dr. Phil Blustein

Do you have something to say or just need to say something

You are in a conversation with someone. Do you know what you are going to say and more importantly why you are going to say what you say? Have you ever said something and as soon as you said it you regret that you ever spoke? Do you speak so that you will feel better about yourself? To be heard and recognized as being smarter? Is it to meet the societal expectation of being involved in a conversation with other to support community and friendship? Do you speak to avoid the discomfort of silence? Do you speak to present yourself in a particular way to meet some unmet psychological need? Do you speak as you feel you have something meaningful to add that isn’t self-centered? If you say something is it because you have something important and meaningful to say or you just need to say something in order to be heard.

We actually have the capacity to be aware of what we are going to say before we say it. The words are spoken internally before they are vocalized and we can train ourselves to listen. Before you speak say “WAIT” that will create an intentional pause before your mindless speaking and allow you to tune into what your mind has already subconsciously and autonomously created to say.

Then reflect on WAIT that stands for:

Why am I talking?

What is the intentionality for speaking? Allow for the answer to spontaneously arise. There is an intuitive knowing of the answer to this question. It is in this pause between WAIT and speaking that will allow you the clarity and insight to speak skillfully without harming.

by Dr. Phil Blustein

Self is a Belief in the Permanence of Conditionality

by Dr. Phil Blustein

WE “SEE” WHAT WE BELIEVE

How one views the world is dependent on their unique arbitrary conditioned belief system. There is no innate value to the sensation that is perceived. One superimposes value onto what is known. If we believe that we are incomplete and deficient this will be the lens we interpret every interaction.

WE NEED TO SEE “WHAT” WE BELIEVE

In order to be free from this illusion of self and life that we live, we need to become aware of our personal narrative.

WE NEED TO “BELIEVE” WHAT WE SEE

Once we have insight into how we create our reality there is the capacity to be present with what is, as it is, independent of our mental elaboration.

by Dr. Phil Blustein

Freedom is not believing what I think you think about me
Freedom is not believing what I think about me

by Dr. Phil Blustein

We create our suffering
By interpreting every moment
From what we believe we need to be
Rather than allowing one to selflessly be

by Dr. Phil Blustein

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Victor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor. He was the founder of logotherapy, a school of psychotherapy that felt the purpose in life was the search for meaning. I never realized Victor Frankl was a Buddhist.

What a beautiful description of mindfulness. The capacity to be aware of what is happening, step back into a mindful space or pause, and then make a skillful choice of how one is going to respond rather than react.

by Dr. Phil Blustein

I have just taken up Pickleball with fun and frustration. I hit the ball into the net. This just isn’t about a shot that was intended to go over the net but didn’t. It means a whole lot more than just that. There is this belief that not only is the shot bad but “I” am bad. I have a childhood belief that I need to be perfect in order to feel safe and loved. The imperfect shot triggers this historic memory and the immediate associated self-criticism and judgment! Everything that we encounter is referenced against our personal unique belief system that represents who we believe we are. What core belief do you have about yourself that is the basis for judging your present moment to moment action?

If we bring awareness to this process we have the potential to move beyond being trapped by our conditionality. I would like to suggest a 4 step process to help lessen our self-criticism.

1) SENSATION: When your mind starts to judge and criticize you immediately look just for the initial stimulus. For me it is: “The ball was hit into the net.” That’s all that happened to start. Everything else is an add on.

2) SELF-REFERENTIAL JUDGMENT: Next look for the judgment of self that arises. In my example it is: “This is terrible. I am terrible. How could I have missed that shot. I should have done better.” Identify the criticism of self that has arisen from the initial sensation. Isn’t it amazing what we create from hitting a ball into the net. A self comes into existence and then we judge it. If we are aware of our personal story and our unmet need we can even look for what is calling to be heard in the moment. My need to be perfect to feel loved.

3) NON-SELF-REFERENTIAL DISCERNMENT: Now we inquire what would the response be if the present moment experience was not referenced against our sense of self. The observation would be: “The ball was hit into the net. The aim of the game is for the ball to go over the net and ideally score a point.” Nothing about me! No judgment or criticism. Only information about the action and what it informs me about how to improve. Everything is meant to be the way it is driven by either uncontrollable external circumstances or by our subconscious automatic internal conditioned actions.

4) SKILLFUL ACTION: “What needs to be done if it wasn’t about me?” At this point you bring your attention back to the original sensation and enquire what needs to be done about what has happened, without a sense of self being present. In many situations nothing needs to be done. What we normally believe we are dealing with is: “What if, not what is.”

Next time your mind starts to yell at you, Pause and then try this 4 step inquiry. It is amazing to witness how our minds create such illusions based on what actually happens.

by Dr. Phil Blustein

Ram Dass, Mirabai Bush – in Walking Each Other Home
This person has a body and a mind, just like me.
This person has feelings, emotions, and thoughts, just like me.
This person has experienced physical and emotional pain and suffering, just like me.
This person has at some time been sad, disappointed, angry, or hurt, just like me.
This person has felt unworthy or inadequate, just like me.
This person worries and is frightened sometimes, just like me.
This person will die, just like me.
This person has longed for friendship, just like me.
This person is learning about life, just like me.
This person wants to be caring and kind to others, just like me.
This person wants to be content with what life has given them, just like me.
This person wishes to be free from pain and suffering, just like me.
This person wishes to be safe and healthy, just like me.
This person wishes to be happy, just like me.
This person wishes to be loved, just like me.
Now, allow wishes for well-being to arise:
I wish this person to have the strength, resources, and social support they need to navigate the difficulties in life with ease.
I wish this person to be free from pain and suffering.
I wish this person to be peaceful and happy.
I wish this person to be loved . . . because this person is a fellow human being, just like me.

What a beautiful poem that demonstrates how we are all interconnected and similar through our common needs, fears and desires. When one is tempted to criticize and judge other, bring to mind what connects us and allow that be what guides your behaviour.

Acceptance is not what you might think. A lot has been said about mindfulness being nonjudgmental. This does not mean we don’t have feelings about things that might be unpleasant. It just means that we should spend a moment accepting what is right in front of us or within us before we rush to making a hasty decision based on strong emotions.

Acceptance does not mean:

• You deny your feelings
• You have to like it. 
• You have to “suck it up”
• You are neutral or indifferent to an injustice.
• You have to make something positive out of it
• You have to agree with what is present

In the coolest form of acceptance is non-resistance. This enables us to meet whatever is showing up and getting to know each intimately before we investigate it and ask ourselves, “What is called for now?”

by Dr. Allan Donsky

Am I a Buddhist? Or is Buddhism just one belief system that influences my world view? At one point I would have called myself a Buddhist. But I began to appreciate that my perspective on life has been impacted by many systems. Somatic therapy by Peter Levine, Carl Jung and his dream work, Internal Family Systems therapy by Richard Schwartz etc.

Life is not about sitting down every day to the same set dinner but opening to the possibility of sampling multiple different tastes from a buffet. There is no need to maintain absolute fidelity to the original teachings of any belief system. The truth is not an expression of a single voice. There is no one truth except what you stitch together to make your truth. All that matters is what works for you. I call myself a “Pluralist.”

by Dr. Phil Blustein

Happy and not yet happy
Sad and not yet sad
Sick and not yet sick
Dead and not yet dead

Do you know what is going to happen in the next moment? If you do, let us buy a lottery ticket together!

We live our life hoping and expecting that only good things will happen. Death. Who needs to look at that? It is something that is going to happen in the far distant future so why think about it. Suffering. Another one of those things that are unpleasant so I don’t want to reflect on that either. If only we could live our life sheltered from these traumas. That can happen, but one needs to be dead or in a coma. And when something unpleasant happens we react with surprise and disbelief. It is as if it is an affront to you. Why would this happen to me? How dare this happen to me!

The reality is that there is the capacity for good and bad things to happen and for the most part we have no control over these events in life. Health and illness, birth and death, safety and trauma, beginning and ending of relationships. We need to contemplate on the fact that there is the potential for both happiness and suffering to occur in any moment. 

by Dr. Phil Blustein

*Reality is conditionally created
Every moment is a constant autonomous subconscious interpretation of perceived causes and conditions referenced against a personal arbitrary belief system to create a conditioned enduring sense of self.

*Attachment to self leads to suffering

*Non-Attachment to self leads to freedom from suffering
Can one rest in the awareness of the experience that contains the story of self rather than be the sense of self that believes it is having the experience?

*Transformation from self-referential judgment to non-self referential discernment is the segue to liberation
Can one reference experience against universal ethical and compassionate standards and not our personal belief system of unmet psychological needs?

*Choice is possible for skillful action

by Dr. Phil Blustein

We take such pride in being human. We are so advanced relative to any other living creature in the world. Just compare our mental abilities with a dog, cat, bird, elephant etc. However, are we really that superior to the rest of existence.

One of the main determining factors for our behavior is the biologic imperative of survival. We judge each moment against the marker of will it help one’s survival or not. We have a negative bias in that we are always scrutinizing whether the present moment is for our benefit or not. This historic primal evaluation of physical threat has now been replaced by psychological concerns. We as humans have “evolved” to a higher and different standard to reference all experience. There is no question we want to live but judging our existence against perceived psychological threats may actually limit our capacity to be present moment to moment with some peace and compassion. Just think of how our normal self-referential judging mind leads us to constant criticizing of our self, causing personal suffering.

Mindfulness is asking us to step back from this evolved instinctive reaction to each moment and rest in a new skillful relationship of awareness, stillness and choice. We are asked to De-evolve to a place that predates our apparent evolution to a conditioned created sense of self to non-interpretative knowing of experience.

by Dr. Phil Blustein

“Be one with self, Not the one that is self.“

Is the ultimate goal of mindfulness EGOCIDE? Do we need to kill our ego to be free of self? Who would you be in this world if you weren’t your sense of self? How would you navigate your existence? Pay your bills, have a job and family and interact with others. The sense of self plays an important functional role.

The key to freedom from pain and suffering is to understand the true nature of self. That it is a temporary conditional construct arising moment to moment dependent on one’s habitual patterning. It is the ability to live the paradox of self. To hold self as if it is real, but know that it is an illusion. Not true. To be present in life non-attached to the sense of self. It is a relationship of co-existence, not annihilation.

by Dr. Phil Blustein